Table for One

A recent K8 discovery - if you want really good service at a restaurant, dine alone.

Until my other half moves to Seattle, I've had the chance to try new restaurants by myself, so I've picked up some interesting...tips. First of all, it's typically pretty easy (and fast) to get a table (or seat at the bar). I think, at first, the host/hostess/owner/bartender person feels a bit sorry for me when I say, "it's just me" (even though I always smile like I'm super thrilled not to have to worry about small, or large talk, for that matter). They usually seat me right away or "keep an eye out" for the next open bar stool for me.

On my first solo outings, I would usually whip out my phone and check email or play a game, but then I realized that not only does that make me look semi-pathetic, but it just seemed...rude to other patrons - no one really wants to be reminded of digital encumbrances when they're trying to enjoy a nice meal. So I traded my electronic tether for just...looking around, watching, and listening. It's pretty easy to eavesdrop when you're by yourself. In fact, after a recent enjoyable meal of gnocchi and a glass of Prosecco, I met a couple great gay guys after listening to their entire conversation about the best tattoo artist in town (they were rather impressed that I just turned around and introduced myself; we proceeded to go out for drinks, and I now consider them my go-to Seattle pals).

But the most interesting thing I've learned from dining alone is that with a few simple tricks, they think you're a food critic and subsequently, provide awesome service. So here are K8's tips for committing food critic subterfuge:

1) Never use any type of mobile device (too distracting, and real people don't take real notes on anything electronic - see my previous post about Smythson paper).

2) Regarding a drink, don't ask if they have something specific, TELL them your drink order without looking at a menu (looks like you've already done your homework).

3) Allow them to tell you the specials but don't order any of them (seems a bit haughty, yes - I'm pretty sure that's part of a critic's job description).

4) When you're eating, glance around a bit (assessing patrons and the atmosphere, of course).

5) Stare off into space frequently as if you're "savoring."

6) Most importantly, do NOT finish your meal. Taste everything but always leave food on your plate (also really works to drop some lbs), and assertively request the check. I really don't know why this works, but it does.

If you really want to up the ante, whip out a small journal and jot a few things in it. (Okay, may be too obvious, but as someone who actually does carry a journal around, it can't hurt and you can make other people around you a little curious...or paranoid). So have I ever been given a free dessert or complimentary after-dinner aperitif, you ask?? No, not so much. But if nothing else, the charade certainly makes the whole experience more fun, and hey - who says I can't write a fabulous or scathing review to be read by all the fancy people who avidly read...Yelp?